Tag Archives: hate

Veil of Tears 102: Irritated

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Then he added, “But this is all worth nothing as long as I see Mordecai the Jew just sitting there at the palace gate.” Esther 5:13 NIV

If something rankles us, like the grit in an oyster, it may be a clue to something we need to look at more closely in our soul work, covering it in layers of prayer until it become a pearl of wisdom that we find we have taken on board.   Something that irks is something that needs to be paid attention to. In Haman’s case, Mordecai felt like a fly in the ointment because he was a symbol of everything the wicked man wanted to get rid of, everything that stood in his way to becoming all powerful, a righteous, godly man who had earned respect and was intrinsically honourable. Mordecai was going about his life untroubled by sin or selfish schemes. Haman was working every sly and unholy plan he could think of.

What we hate is a big indicator of what we revile in ourselves. In this case, as in so many sadly throughout history, anti-Semitism is a blaming mechanism that says, these people are not special, because that would make me not-special. These people are not worthy of God’s love and attention, because I must surely be worthy of it. it is a back-to-front hatred of self, masquerading as nauseating pride.

Just as the narcissist is intent on making themselves the centre of the universe to cover up the pain of knowing deep down that they are not, so this Jew-hater wants to rid the world of God’s people in order to rid himself of God, who alone knows his wicked, hateful heart. When we believe we have acted in an unforgivable way, we sometimes seek the harm of the One who might forgive us, rather than the reconciliation that might be offered. This is the fruit of guilt and it soon escalates into greater and greater crimes against love.

But if we take the things that we are transferring onto others, if we offer the misplaced and difficult hurts, grievances, pains that seem to make no sense, the bruised ego especially, into prayer, and lay it honestly before God, things will change.

Yes, it is hard to look at oneself truly naked in the realm of heart and soul, but it can be done gradually and with some self-compassion. Once the road of shadow work is embarked upon, these irritations, whether they are seemingly small niggles or larger, more obvious rages, can teach us a great deal and be the catalysts to quite astonishing transformations. The more open we can be with our maker, the deeper he can pour in the balm of his grace. And if that sounds intimate, it is because prayer is just that. God can be closer to us than any lover, and he loves to help us and set us right, to have us turn our tear-stained faces back to him.

 

©Keren Dibbens-Wyatt

Photo from Pixabay

25: Rotten Fish

Trigger warning for abuse victims.

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Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead?” Luke 11:11 NIV

Sadly, as Jesus well knew when he said this, there are some fathers who would do just that. In this corrupted world, relationships that are meant to be precious and true are sometimes instead violent, abusive or destructive. And fatherhood is one of the most vile things once it becomes a travesty.

Just as our living God seeks to turn bad things on their heads and preaches to us an upside down kingdom for a gospel, so his enemies seek to turn the finest and purest things to darkness. With this in mind, I am moved to share a prayer picture given to me this morning, which may give us hope.

I see God’s love as a bright blue, ever flowing, all pervading, yet gently patient force, a kind of liquid grace that will not be deterred. It seeks to seep in everywhere, knows no boundaries, fears no dark places, endures and will never give up.

I see the enemy as a small charred demon clutching a soul to its chest and that the difference between love and hate, light and dark is that whereas hate wants us for itself, love loves us in order to set us free. The Father’s love aims to release us into love, that we might experience it, see it, know it and seek to join it, adding to the flow. Love does not seek to gratify or glorify itself, it loves outwards, whereas darkness “loves” (in its travesty of what it thinks love is) only itself and inwards. Real love cannot fail because it will eventually arrive everywhere, whereas darkness will fall in on itself, imploding.

Evil is, I am given to understand, like a black hole, trying to take everything with it, it wants all to suffer the fate it suffers; but the universe will keep birthing more and more love, like matter, to love and embrace. In short the difference is that between embracing and grasping.

Even if we have been victims of the darkness, and been captured by those greedy, grasping hands, that would laughingly give us a snake instead of a fish, or a stone instead of bread: poison instead of sustenance, hardness instead of softness; even if we were or are one of those who allowed themselves to become perpetrators of such darkness; we can still, with the courage given us by grace, open our hearts and beings up to the waves of real parental love which are waiting to engulf us in their sweet veracity.

©Keren Dibbens-Wyatt

Photo from Morguefile.com