Tag Archives: passion

98. Passion (Empathy, Lent 39)

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I’m a passionate soul. If I feel strongly about something I’ll most likely throw myself into it wholeheartedly. This sometimes means I don’t think things through and I run the risk of looking an idiot or getting hurt. The biggest passion in my life is for God. I love him with everything I’ve got. When I was a young Christian I looked an idiot quite a lot. I thought I needed to evangelise everywhere I went and probably bored or just plain embarrassed people. I let God down horribly and had trouble forgiving myself (even though he forgave me in less than a heartbeat). I spouted stupid things I’d been taught as truth for a long time, I was easily led and thought my elders in the church knew what they were doing, and followed their, sometimes equally misplaced, passions.

After decades of sickness, my passion for God is deeper and stronger than it has ever been, and I still say and do stupid things. But the heart of my passion has become wider, more rooted in beauty, creation and prayer. Silence and solitude are the mainstays of my prayer life. Adoring and gratitude are my worship, living a life of prayerful weakness is my evangelism. My earlier exuberance I can have compassion upon. I know that it hasn’t disappeared, just been transformed, much as a thoughtless teenager has become a contemplative middle aged woman. Passion can take many forms, as can the other sort of passion, sharing in the sufferings of Christ. And maybe the more we focus on the cross, as we do today, the more we can be compassionate on our own intense emotions.

text © Keren Dibbens-Wyatt 2017 Photo from Pixabay

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89. Foul Mouth (Empathy, Lent 30)

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I’m not a big swearer. It’s not something I usually do unless I’m on hold to a call centre, my computer is playing up, or I’ve stubbed a toe. It is a rarity in terms of communicating feelings. I get uncomfortable around people who swear continuously, especially when they are using words for female anatomy to call someone stupid or obnoxious. That seems unfair to the female anatomy involved I think, which deserves more respect. I wonder how it feels to be trapped inside that kind of vocabulary.

Look it is really hard to express myself in words that mean things. It is easier to use words that are less specific, and put my feelings into them. That’s more my idea of expression. I am very passionate and I get angry a lot, and that flows into my speech. Sometimes I just get so angry with not being able to say what I mean that I swear, and sometimes I get angry with the system and the people running it that I swear, and sometimes I enjoy seeing that I’ve shocked them. That gives me a feeling of power that I wouldn’t otherwise get to experience. I don’t read books, so words, especially long words, mostly feel like they belong to other people. I know the words that me and my friends understand and I stick to those.

text © Keren Dibbens-Wyatt 2017 photo from Pixabay